By Andrea Kaldy
A few Christmases ago I was given a book called Oil For Your
Lamp by the owner of a place I teach at. For a long time it was sitting on the
top of my bookshelf, once in a while reminding me while dusting that I should
read it. If not for gaining some generic wisdom then at least for the courtesy
that I can tell my friend that I have read the book she gave me.
I had a feeling she hadn't picked this title by accident and
half-annoyed I think I was avoiding the book on purpose. She asked me from time
to time if I had started reading it but I managed to duck having to answer or
at least I thought so. She stopped asking me after a while and relieved at the
thought of having to be accountable for it, I continued to dust it off on the
top of the shelf.
I even forgot about it soon afterwards until one day one of
my kids picked it up for some reason. It was only a small book with colourful
photos in it so it was appealing with its smart cover design and stood out from
the rest of the pile of books I was about to take out into the garage. I felt
it, I knew it, I had to read it.
I defiantly picked it up and opened it in the middle
somewhere, I have this bad habit of doing this to books, to read a few pages
from the middle to see if I like the writer's style. An hour later almost in
tears I was sitting next to my bed on the floor fully immersed in this little
wonder. Reading about other women and how they have overcome challenges in
their lives and how they have triumphed over tragedies or even how they kept
their lives together after cataclysmic changes that turned everything around
them upside down.
I still don't know what grabbed me about this book so much.
Why it touched me so deeply, why I was a crying mess as I recognised so much of
myself in many of the stories and narrations that were packed into that tiny
book. I couldn't read all of it, I had to put it down and I had to allow myself
to understand my strong reaction to what I was reading. It took me about 6
months to pick it up again and when I did I started reading the book from the
very beginning, savouring each story as I was going and letting its meaning
seep into my consciousness.
I started to understand why my friend gave me that book. On
the verge of a burn-out, how apt a name is that, she intuitively knew that it
was exactly what I needed. I wasn't ready just then but when I was, the
guidance was there. I was burning out from disbursing my energy too much, from
wanting fix everyone's problems for them, from being frustrated that the travel
on my spiritual path wasn't as fast as I wanted it to be, that I had no focal
point when all I heard from those I looked up to that I had to have one.
I was vegetating day by day, going through the motions,
robot-like, no emotions, no passion, no fire in my belly. It felt like this
cold piece of stone, heavy and grey sitting in my stomach, making it harder and
harder every day to get up and start the day. I was in depression. I felt it, I knew it, I had to cut my way
through it.
Day by the day that book game me comfort, gave me examples
on how I may empower myself with small things. It started a small spark in my
belly like an ancient flint stone and with each day as I kindled that spark it
grew. It became a focal point of mine and every single decision I made
afterward concerning my well being was directed by that spark. I listened to
that small warmth in my belly and only allowed things and people in my life
that fed that warmth and supported its growth. When I needed guidance I asked
myself and if the feeling went cold I pushed back but when I felt the warmth
coming through my solar plexus chakra I accepted.
One day I noticed that the tiny kindling that I protected
from mal intent for so long has grown into a strong, ferocious, independent
fire that was my path and my passion. It was no big revelation, no fanfare, no
red carpet, no chorus of angels. It was just a quiet knowing that crept up on
me one day and I just knew. The oil for my lamp has been refilled and through
my renewed connection with the universal force it has now found a never-ending
well of divine replenishment.
I now take time on a regular basis to honour that well and
to share it with others and help them find their own source of this life-fuel
and through that work I constantly replenish mine.
Here is a simple Tarot ritual that may help you find your
focal point and put the fire back into your belly, lift you out of the darkness
and replenish your faith in yourself as well as the divine. For this you will
need The Hermit from the Major Arcana, a candle of your choice and incense that
you find most soothing. It's this simple.
I want you to light your incense and sit in your sacred
space with The Hermit in your hands. Now look deeply into the card and absorb
all the features that this image has. Become the Hermit yourself. Your mission
is to find your light. The single light by which you will travel, the one that
will be your guiding light, the one that will assist you in your search of
finding yourself. Close your eyes and imagine the path before you with a faint
light in the distance. Say a prayer and ask that you may find this light with
ease and be able to keep focus on it no matter what it on the path before you.
Start walking towards the light in your visualisation, always keeping it in
your sight. Feel how easy it is to move towards and when you come across a
challenge on the path ask your divinity to remove it for you and then wait for
the road to clear and start moving again. You may not get to the light on your
first go so try again the next day. When you reach the light during your
meditation, take it and own it. Notice how different you feel when you claim
it. Enjoy this experience and know that you can come back to anytime you like.
When you come out of the meditation light your candle and put it in a place
where you can see it every day. Light it every day with a simple affirmation
that you are now kindling the light in you. Before the candle burns down
completely, light a new candle off the old one to have a representation of the
continuation of your intent. Revisit this exercise when you feel like you need
to find focus within yourself and your light replenished.
No comments:
Post a Comment